Greatest Mother’s Day gift ever?

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    I’ve been getting complaints from the Bel Air News & Views readers who are related to me that my foray into development news is not amusing them. My mother is concerned that Beachdog in particular is likely getting bored. So, please accept my apologies and consider this tidbit from my daughter’s preschool, which I found to be worth a laugh at my expense. My daughter’s preschool has decided to celebrate Mother’s Day this year by hosting a “Mother’s Day Swim.” The invitation reads:

    “Our intention is for the moms to spend a special afternoon swimming with your child and his/her friends and socializing with the other moms.”

    This is every middle-aged mom’s Mother’s Day dream, to squeeze into last year’s chlorine ravaged suit (it’s too early in the season to have spent an agonizing afternoon in a swimsuit store’s dressing room) and “socialize” with other moms (some of whom are a bit younger and fitter) while your child clings desperately to your shoulder straps as if they are some sort of flotation device. (Side note: those “Miracle” suits with the spandex that promises to make you look 10 pounds thinner fit tightly enough that those straps stay in place no matter how hard they tug.) Oh, and besides the suit being last year’s version, the tan will be as well. The pools are still under the dome and unless the moms are spending spring break in the Caribbean, we’ll all be looking our pasty best.

    And if this isn’t bad enough, the school is combining the event with another class full of students and parents who we haven’t had the chance to meet in the hallways during drop-offs and pick-ups. We’ll get to meet those parents while we’re dripping wet. We’ll get to know them even better when the party’s over and we share the indignity of squeezing into the locker room together to change ourselves and our children, who no doubt will want to wriggle away from us and play hide-and-seek in the lockers while we search for underwear.

    The invitation adds in bold text:

    “If for some reason, you will not be able to attend this event with your child, we ask that your child not attend school that day. We would hate for a child to feel left out if he/she were unaccompanied on that day.”

    You can make me feel guilty, but you still can’t make me get into that suit.